Wednesday, June 3, 2009

How The Shadow Falls

June 2, 2009, a Tuesday. I was able to do another good deed, I have referred my second person to take the test. This time it's a female. 

The first person I referred was a friend from one of my badminton teams, he came out positive and is now undergoing the necessary steps to keep himself well and with peace of mind.

Two weeks from June 2, around the 22nd at most, her results will come out and I pray that it is negative.

You think I enjoy seeing people discover that they are positive? Part of me dies to close my eyes and ears whenever I see them discover the truth for themselves. The part of me that remains convivial is to see that they pick the pieces up and get on with their lives, stronger and way much more than who they were before I they were even told about the realness of the virus.

For me, I thought I had accepted the truth. I did, I accepted what was mine. That I am and that I should be taking good care of myself now. Sadly, with the rapid adjustment of my psycho and emotional bearing to 'my truth' a certain interest group who is also focused on the fields of HIV and AIDS shared to me another side of the coin that I have not seen and I was not very much ready for.

I was brought by a friend to Ayala Heights in QC. I was brought to a big, airy and contemporarily designed house where there were three people having a discussion in the library of the house. One of them appeared to be in his early 20's while the other two were older at their 30's or 40's. The older guys looked stern, ominous yet focused and concerned. The younger one just kept quiet through the discussion.

I was introduced to the younger one and one of the older men introduced himself. There was one who wanted to keep his identity to himself.

After a discussion of my request for me to be trained to teach provincial areas and disarming their skepticism of my being 'early' to the ranks of our kind. I thought I was succesful until the unknown one spoke of something that spread chills down my spine and an unspeakable fear that replicates itself from generation to generation.

"You see, we know very well that only one out of ten people who are positive have the ability to pull themselves together and have themselves checked. The others will probably never do it and will consign themselves to oblivion. Within three to five years, all these nine out of ten will let the virus fully bloom within themselves and within the initial years of their asymptomatic infection they would have had infected others more than once at least."

The courage and hope in my fibres begin to feel the metal eating terror of the facts that he was dispensing upon me, verb after verb. And all I could do is listen, wide eyed, as he continued:

"Within five years, a huge chunk of our population will die and those who die will have infected others in their life. And the chain will continue and the younger generations will also have to grip the barbed truth of the virus' existence. And the cycle will move on to find itself not just a cycle but a snow ball rolling down the hill until it gets too big, that it will no longer roll and stop, or it will destroy things in it's path."

I could just die in front of him lsitening to the makings of an endless genocide that could wipe entire generations out.

"There could be a cure... Come on, you're scaring him. By taking the ARV's he'll probably have twenty or more years. Science moves fast nowadays. He looks scared already. Give him a break, sir."

The youngest one giggles as he speaks, suggesting that the scary unknown guy was just trying to test if I am really ready to take the responsibility.

The other older guy who introduced himself smiles at me and speaks.

"We're glad that you volunteer to teach the provincial areas. But as of now, there is no training schedules yet and I believe the time period while waiting is a good window for you to think and calm your mind. We care about you enough to let you know the dangers of this too."

"Uhm... any advice or tips?"

I spoke like a coughing lamb.

The older guys answers with a poker face:

"Don't miss your ARV's."


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