Sunday, December 5, 2010

I Lost the Lotto, So What?

I just had a walk coming from Burger King, just behind my house and I'm stuffed. The Whopper meal came with a bonus Whopper Jr. which I didn't expect.

After devouring everything, I walked home and enjoyed the cold weather which felt like San Francisco's cool breeze at 12 noon around a year ago. I'm still stuffed, typing this, but heck, I'm feeling great!

I joined the Landmark Forum by the way, after being bugged by an ex of my for nearly 3 or 4 years, or so? I just happened to join it now? Why? Gee, I dunno. At the end of it, he wondered aloud on me, asking why I took it when I found out I was positive. Well, I didn't really plan on taking it at all. I didn't even think I'd come out positive, Sherlock. But I guess by being so, I was able to share my story to my batch.

I was scared. I was skeptical and even cynical going there on my first day-- late even. It's a considerable amount, getting into it, but after graduating from it, I believe it's hella worth it.

I was probably the class' person with the busiest tear glands in his eyes. The coach really pushed me to come to grips with myself and face it-- my mom is the source of my life and I've been hating her for more than 10 years. What a freaking waste, right? Aide from the fact that I've kept my condition from her because of her still withstanding mediocre approval of my being gay-- how else could she deal with my being positive?

How else?

She took it well.

She knows it now. And after more than 10 years of bitchy drama queening, I finally got my mom back. No, she was always there; I was just really being the bitchy sour ass drama queen.-- I never knew it'd go that way.

I'm really enjoying my life now. As in, really. I'm enjoying how people compliment my smile and the way I look at other people when they talk to me.

I had a really cute date a few days ago, he told me how animated my smile and my eyes were when I interacted with the waitress who was taking our order and at the same time giving suggestions.

"You're eyes are cute when you look at people. It's like your pouring sunshine and smiles on them. She just might think you're hitting on her." He said.

"Really? You think so? (I was thinking he was getting jealous but since the waitress is a biological woman...) We're out late at night, just two guys, here at Shakey's, Malate, she's taking our order and she has the gall to even think I'm hitting on her? Come on, she's got it just by looking at us that we're on a very gay ass date." I retorted.

He laughed slightly and smiled.

Later on the date, I admitted it to him about me being positive. Wow, telling a date about my darkest secret on day one: my tactlessness has put Kris Aquino to shame on 2nd place.

Surprisingly he was cool with it. Well, he was first when he talked to me about his enjoyment with recreational drugs and I was totally fine with it. Well, with him in his case, since it's his poison. Everybody has catches, as do I. So, why even bother feeling righteous on a date?

It was great... I'm doing stuff I never thought I could actually do. (Except that I'm not going to ride extreme roller coasters in this life time, even if it were to save the world, hell no.)

Anyway, my state of shock has already subsided and has just turned into gratitude towards Pope Benedict for his incredible announcement of tolerance for the condom, and even using a male prostitute as an example for his rationale. If any of you feel like thanking him personally for the eye popping announcement of condom tolerance just click this link: . You've got to hand it to him, the Catholic world is now going ape, but in a good way, I believe. I actually cried in the car hearing this, feeling just like those pretty ladies reaching the top 5 of the Miss Universe pageant.

And speaking of leading ladies, I also joined my very first Gay Pride and World AIDS Awareness March that happened just two days ago around Tomas Morato, Timog and Panay Avenue in Quezon City. It was a blast! There were evangelist groups who were blocking our way putting up placards that 'Being GAY is a sin' and I just went up to this cute seminarian boy, holding a gay bashing placard and gave him a kiss on the cheek. The poor bastard looked confused! I'm sure he's fantasizing about me now in his sleep. He looked like he had potential to be gay anyway; so it just took a kiss, I guess. Ha haha~

All this has happened weeks after taking that Landmark forum. I was so surprised I became an inspiration to a lot of people there. I never knew they'd be so understanding. I was hesitant to open up but I thought I might as well... at least I opened up eyes for 135 people... opened up their minds too.

Well, a really funny downside to my story so far is that I've had my very first try at the mega lotto; having dreams of going way lavish and fabulous with 750 million bucks! But I lost-- along with the 90 million other Filipinos.

But with 750 million pesos, what do I need from that? That amount just couldn't buy the feeling and freedom and flight I'm having in my life now.

I lost the Lotto and so what?

I'm a son to my mom again. I've got the real peace of mind that I thought was bad fiction. And my life is no longer a reaction to things around me. I'm living.

Lotto? Who cares~


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