Showing posts with label inspiration. Show all posts
Showing posts with label inspiration. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Meeting an Old Friend Anew

I had to drink an entire glass of water before typing this down and believe me, the glasses used for water drinking in this house are BIG.
We really don't like going back to the fridge to pour more water so we got them big designer plastic tumbler types in the kitchen.
Anyways...
Yesterday was yet another trip to RITM, and while waiting for the nurse, we stayed at the isolated ward at the end of the quadrangle. Of course, those waiting for nurse Anna would always go straight there and funk around with the other possies and exchange memoires and anecdotes of their lives.
I discovered something new about that room yesterday. It felt like it was going to be familiar to the "THIS IS YOUR LIFE" show wherein people who have come and gone in your life will ust walk through the door and surprise you; there was a guy whom I dated way back in 2006 who busted through the entrance with his partner.
How did it go?
At first he was ignoring me. Maybe he was finding out a way to explain why he was there in that same room as me. Maybe he was a bit ashamed? Maybe he was too preoccupied about how to digest the entire endeavor of being possitive... or maybe he just didn't see me at all. Maybe the lighting on top of me wasn't very flattering, and I should have moved near the window where the sun rays could hit me for that, oh so sought for prom queen glow.
Anyway, within a few moments after bickering about the unfair lighting, his eyes zero in on me and I utter the name which only I knew I called him. A nick name made from his first given name that sounded very Filipino.
There it was. That same moreno chinito smile that added to the happiness of Happy Feet, the movie that we watched in our first and last date in 2006. It was a sight for sore eyes.
We started talking immediately like it was no one's business. With all due respect, however, to his partner, I was formally introduced and I made it clear that we were just catching up with the good old times. His partner, gracefully, reciprocates accordingly.
So how long have you been this way? Who do you think gave it to you? Really? Needle in a haystack too?! So how did it feel at first? Who in your family knows? What did he think when you found out you were?
The Q&A portion just kept rolling and the entire room was busy with pusits interacting with each other. Jokingly, in drama, seriously, even with business, stories, Aling Dionisia and Manny Pacquiao topics, shopping, family or just simply things and topics to pass the time it was as human as it can be.
Hey, we still are. We're just... sun kissed (?) hahahahaha~
Anyway, I had to bounce to Alabang Town Centre for a moment because my sister in law who lives in Alabang Village, who happens to be a doctor, wanted to see me and check on my condition.
My sister in law has always been fond of me for my wise cracks and my gab and the way I was just so in synch and yet so different from the rough yet adorable boys in our clan. All the boys in our clan, even though we look profound, are green jokers and trash talkers at heart. As grounded as can be and as 'kenkoy' as we could get, all the boys, including me, have that thing going on.
Seeing that my skin is still in great condition and pretty much hasn't changed, except that my hair grew longer, she felt great as I explained to her my condition and that I was in good hands under the care of the folks in RITM.
We chatted for about an hour and a half in Coffee Bean at ATC. On my way back to the car park, there was this  tall (taller than me, I'm 5'8 he was around 5'10 Eeeek~) and hot dude (I think he was a kid, and I was right, he was 23) went up to me and gave me his card, asking if I could get in touch with him soon for a movie...
(Gusto kaya nya magkasakit? hahahahaha~)
Shit, diba? I love Alabang! I'm gonna buy a place to live in na there.
Anyway, after parking the car at RITM and walking towards the unit in the quadrangle, I saw a group of fruities accross and one of them was familiar.
A very powerful flashback rushed in my mind.
Last December, our fag hag made a request for her birthday, as she knew she was about to leave for USA at the turn of the year. Her very words were, quoted in Filipino:
"Guys, magpa check na kayo, madami na ang possitive na umiikot ikot dito sa Manila at madami din sa kanila ay hindi alam na ganun ang kanilang kalagayan."
<"Guys, have yourself checked, a lot are already possitive and prancing around Manila, a lot of them not knowing that they are and they're spreading it around.">
And with her request, our collective feelings were all of mixed aspects and polairites. There was fear, there was confusion, there was sloth, there was pride, there was even wrath at the fact that why did such a virus existed.
And there I stood accross the quadrangle. One of the same people who was with me that night, during December 2008, heeding the message of our fag hag elder, was standing right before me, accross the garden. We ran to each other accross the garden and hugged. He is a brother of mine now and even the company he was with were all familiar to me. I even knew their names and they were surprised that I had such a good memory to know all their names. I was shocked myself because I'm not good with names.
It was a moment that I would keep in my heart forever.
I knew in my heart, I was not alone and true enough, no man is an island.
But now, meeting him again there, even my ex date and noticing something about everyone in that place; everyone has this quality of maturity that cannot be bested by most. True, the quality of gold increases as it passes through the most searing fires.
I feel less lonely now. Focus was already strong yet stronger it grows. My place, I now know. My direction, I now smile at with open arms.
It's like meeting again in aother place and another time, far from the world we once knew as that of the normies.
We're vampires na ba? Wizards? Nah... sun kissed maybe? hahahaha

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Clearer

It's been a while since I've logged something. I've been very busy. No, I'm not making myself busy to forget that I'm positive but I just simply am.

How have I been busy?

Well, I was nursing a broken heart. But I didn't sulk in it. I don't know how my system simply just picks up the pieces and moves on in less than a day. Yes, I cry. I must, it has to explode somewhere and sometime and what better than as soon as possible, here and now?

Why?

I just realized that love is coming not only from him. Heck, I don't even know if it's coming from him anymore, but I just realized I wouldn't have made it this far without family, friends and even people who I think are crap (the assholes are still part of my life, cmon).

Love: there's just so much to give and receive from the people who care. It's just perceived differently by each and everyone and therefore delivered differently. You just have to accept that.

Therefore yes. I was hurt, I was lied to and I was made to believe but I still wake up and I'm still breathing and therefore I am loved. Period. That's a truth that I discovered and can't be taken away.

Why waste time being emo on something or someone who's just out of it? I've to move. Each day I get is a bonus since I found out. The stress just won't make it any prettier for me.

No, it doesn't have to be another guy at all. And no it doesn't have to be romance. Not that there's ins't. There ARE people knocking on the door but hey, I'm enjoying everything now. They're welcome to stay interested and I'm not complaining at all. You can never tell, they might just press the right buttons someday.

Recently, things in life happen. Larger things: A family friend around my age just got married and attending the wedding and the reception was an entirely different thing now: NO ALCOHOL. But I was happy because without the inlfuence of a blur, I was able to see the clear reasons why not only the bride and groom were happy that day. I met people whom I don't know and they're great and I'm just getting close to having another feisty gal pal who's as alpha female as she can get. I also saw people getting totally wasted and come to think of it, it's just a blessing in disguise that I can't drink anymore, seeing that their poise factor went below sea level.

Even at RITM, the pusits who've been that way are slowly becoming my friends. And I know sooner or later they'll be like family. We share a virus that does a miracle-- it bonds people whom you just don't expect to do so.

I'm not endorsing people to have it, no! It's just that it challenges you. You have no othe choice but to fall or bring out your best and keep it that way. 

It's different when it's clearer! I can just think way much clearer than I've ever had in my entire life!

Oh ahem, but wait. My mum's been asking my sister why I no longer drink and why I go elsewhere aside from the family doctor to treat my 'liver problem'.

Clearly, I believe she ain't ready yet though I see she's begining to feel lighter around me simply because I'm just being 'positive'? (pun intended)

Actually, just now, I'm wondering how am I just being so optimistic. It's a total mystery.

The crying, the healing, the moving on and the ability to stand firm right away is a priceless product after all the bull shit that's been done unto me. Not that I'm angry about it. It just perfectly falls into place. This makes sense.

Taking the ARV every 12 hourse aside, everything feels normal.

No. Clearer, actually.

*SNAPS FOR EVERYONE*